@TheReal_AndyMac: The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad.
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@markhoppus: "The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll.
@caliluvgirl77: I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.
@SeanEmeny: I treat women well cause I'm a real man. Also, if I'm nice to them maybe they'll come over and kill this spider for me
@68Cly29: The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to 'gamenight' and she brings Monopoly.