@TheReal_AndyMac: The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad.
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@TheBeerGuy73: Pro tip: Wives do not find it hilarious when you add a bunch of extra candles to their surprise birthday cake. I know this now.
@Karissajem: Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid
@BrassBallsCJ: My superpower is finding the humor in nearly every situation. Uncle Bob’s superpower was flying. Landing... not so much. Lol Priest: That’s your eulogy?