@SamGrittner: The average life expectancy for a human being is one life.
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@JLazySAngus: Customer Service: "Would you take a minute to fill out this survey?" Me: "Wouldn't you rather save that for someone you actually helped?"
@onion_an: Therapist: What's the problem? Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me [petting a bee]: You're not strange are you Alan
@ohpeetie: Today on Facebook: 1) Jen feels betrayed but doesn't want to talk about it 2) Kim started a prayer circle 3) Lori posted 87 recipes