@SamGrittner: The average life expectancy for a human being is one life.
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@Tmoney68: Guy Fieri got into a fistfight with his hairdresser. I guess he finally looked in a mirror and saw what the dude's been doing to his hair.
@nbadag: 10YO: [on her ipad] beat my high score! ME: y'know they're just numbers on a screen right? they don't mean anything [checks follower count]
@Reverend_Scott: [rubs magic lamp] GENIE: You get 3 wishes "Anything?" GENIE: No wishin for more wishes "I wish for more genies" GENIE: I don't like you