@BeardSpice: The average monkey swallows 7 spider-monkeys every single night.
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@Pirate_nurse: It's 6 am and I've already referred to a patient as "the one with the tig ol biddies"...wonder what time HR gets here
@Phook75: Seriously considering robbing the ski mask store down the street but I'm having the hardest time deciding what to wear
@FrenulumBreve: HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie? HER: sure, sounds great. [next day] HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?
@Home_Halfway: DATE: So what do you like to do? ME: Enter hot dog breeding contests DATE: You mean "eating?" ME: *thrusting hot dogs together carefully* No