@weinerdog4life: The average person swallows 3 cats on their drive home from work.
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@CountOnVic: Kanye deleted all the slander like we didn't have an hour to grab screenshots and make power point presentations
@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.