Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@: a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:"user";s:8:"kelkulus";s:5:"image";s:90:"http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3278807262/1fcf70b5a66e936d490699028532762d_bigger.jpeg";s:6:"id_str";s:18:"352111911539716097";s:7:"retweet";s:3:"201";s:5:"tweet";s:59:"The average person swallows 8 cats per year in their sleep.";}s:7:"retweet";i:0;}

The average person swallows 8 cats per year in their sleep.
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@awescar: Captain America outsources much of his crime fighting to Captain India.

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@Bexdora: JUDITH! FETCH MY EVIL PLAN GLASSES! *2 hours later has organised a small festival* Dammit Judith, these are my party planning glasses!

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@64spoons: Got CPR and CCR confused. Ended up playing "Fortunate Son" on my boombox while watching a man die.

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@EndhooS: *Bursts into bank* Robber: THIS IS A ROBBERY. HANDS UP. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Bank clerk: No that's clearly a shotgun 2nd robber: OOOH SNAP!

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@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.

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