@PsychoCesc: The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.
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@BlindVigil: I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.
@DanielEdison_: "People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them" "By mistake?" "Not you as well".
@DBMaxP: Who said losing weight was difficult? "Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?"
@AndyAsAdjective: "How did your *looks down at notes scribbled on hand* favorite sports team do in their *looks down again* sporting contest today?"