@SCbchbum: The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."
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@okaypup: "Do not purchase if seal is broke" *looks over at homeless seal* *places canned pickles back on the shelf*
@SlabBaconBP: How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her.
@causticbob: I saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"