@SCbchbum: The awkward moment when you say, "I love you," then the pizza delivery guy says, "That'll be $12.46, please."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BrassBallsCJ: Friend: I'm just not sure if she's into me. Me: Try faking your death. If she brings a date to your funeral, I'd say that's a hard no.
@Fredzipfel: Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It's not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
@DirtMcTurd: [Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue
@ValeeGrrl: What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop