@SillySassySmart: The awkwardness of my life is equivalent to when somebody says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Thanks you too!"
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@Dawn_M_: Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.
@jewfacekilla: Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack.
@PS_IRuddYou: This girl text me: "your adorable I text back: no YOU'RE adorable Now she likes me and I was just pointing out her typo...
@vladchoc: The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically. Soon all the eights have top-hats like snowmen.