@_steamy_mac: “The baby’s been crying all day, we should microwave some fish.” - my neighbours
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@frenziedandfine: I find it very upsetting that dragon fruit has such a cool name, looks so exotic, and then tastes like a diabolical farmer crossed a kiwi with a potato.
@kaydececchis: acrylic nails are the best and worst things to ever happen. bagel right out the toaster? you can grab that shit like it’s not even hot. drop some quarters tho? keep walking that ain’t your change anymore
@Pee_And_Giggles: My 84 mother to my 19: Make-up sure does wonders but you don't want your future husband waking up wondering who you are in the morning.
@3sunzzz: [God creating penguins] I want a bird that doesn't fly but loves to swim, and make sure you dress it classy AF.