@TheBeerGuy73: The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn't stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money.
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@NotthatAdamWest: Not sure what my dog thinks I do all day, but based on her excitement when I get home she apparently lives in constant fear I'll be murdered
@Tommytoughstuff: [Date] "I'm going to use the restroom *leans over table* and I counted my onion rings, there's six."
@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.