@AGreaterMonster: The beauty of meditation is it helps instill inner peace in someone that makes it easy to pick his pockets.
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@Bob_Janke: Believe it or not I'm listening to the Final Countdown in the grocery store. Now you're hearing it too.
@_Shizzle: I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn't work out, but he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] "OH MY GOD" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]
@TeaAndCopy: WIFE: Kate's new baby is 7lbs 11oz ME: WIFE: Roughly ½ a stone ME: WIFE: 3½ kilos ME: WIFE: [sigh] a four pack of beer ME: Oh cool