@jenstatsky: The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, "the bottom half of a shirt."
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@shkeeber: Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!
@houffy: *i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.
@skickwriter: Sorry, but that was only my favorite food in the world BEFORE you bought 5 cases of it at Costco. -Kids
@Not_a_JesusGirl: I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"