@jenstatsky: The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, "the bottom half of a shirt."
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@calamitydaisy: I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window.
@SteveSuckington: "Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening." - How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.
@ojedge: "Spirits, are you there?" [ouija board] ＩＦ ＹＯＵ ＬＩＫＥ ＩＴ ＴＨＥＮ ＹＯＵ ＳＨＯＵＬＤＡ ＰＵＴ Ａ ＲＩＮＧ ＯＮ ＩＴ "Damn it, we've held a séaoncé again!"