@jwoodham: The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it's like excuse me, I'm working here.
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@shutupmikeginn: I'm scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I'll run them under cold water for half a second
@trevso_electric: Gum commercials exaggerate your odds of kissing a complete stranger in public by 780,000,000%
@BuckyIsotope: *shows up to date with broken nose* "What happened?" Hurt myself playing football "How?" Threw the controller at a wall and it bounced back