@MarkPuente: The best letter to the editor in today's @TB_Times.
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@TweetingDadGuy: Started to feel bad about my life but just saw a bumper sticker that said "I Love My Grand-dog" and I think l'm going to be ok.
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff
@WiseguyPictures: "I feel like I got off on the wrong foot." - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance
@SteveSuckington: My doctor had a plate of McDonalds food that was a year old to show people that it never rots. The burger was dry but the fries were decent.