@Ygrene: The best natural phenomenon is when a species lovingly accepts an orphan of another species, like how my fries have accepted this onion ring
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@XplodingUnicorn: [terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.
@Breadery: Her: What do you like about me? Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What? Me: Your eyes
@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He's in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!