@drayzze: The best part about being single is only having to say "I'm sorry" to the dog.
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@VenisVal: Ab Muscles: You're having ANOTHER cookie? Brain: Yep! Ab Muscles: You're just never planning on seeing us again? Brain: Nope!
@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory
@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?