@JustinGuarini: The best part about Facebook is never having to wonder what your acquaintance's baby is doing all day everyday day.
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@RickAaron: I had a fountain drink at the mall today. All those pennies make the water taste terrible.
@TheCiscoKidder: Every video my wife has taken with her phone has me in it saying, "Are you taking a video?"
@edanto_: Your girlfriend is so good in bed but can't do house chores. When your relatives complain you be like "You guys don't know her very well"