@JustinGuarini: The best part about Facebook is never having to wonder what your acquaintance's baby is doing all day everyday day.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
@heroofthehour: whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
@david8hughes: The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder.
@RocketRankoon: *swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* "Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"