@JMFnSparks: The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want
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@OVLH: "He's more scared of you than you are of him" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me
@junejuly12: [road trip] My dad: Seatbelts? What seatbelts? Kids don't need seatbelts. [hospital] My dad: Concussion? What concussion?
@RayfromCincy: The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
@crazytraci72: "Who am I?" she beckoned the stars. Stars: We've gone over this a million times. You are a geisha caveman.