@JMFnSparks: The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want
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@GrantTanaka: "Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I'M ASKING THEM"
@WritePlay: "All the single ladies... All the single ladies... All the single ladies..." - list of girls who wouldn't talk to me in high school
@Versacheetos: Kim - Where is North West? Kanye - *takes out compass* Kim - I mean my baby! Kanye - I'm right here. Kim - Jesus Kanye! Kanye - Yeezus*
@LiamDrydenEtc: "Millennials are so entitled!" Aye well I don't see 20-somethings screaming for the manager because their coupon expired a month ago, Janet