@TheBlessMess: The best part of being an adult is eating whatever you want. I just ate a small man that pissed me off at the liquor store.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@krisv_723: I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes.
@seriouslyamy: 3 days ago I put a sign on my door that said "I'll be back in 20 minutes". Nobody has bothered me since and I'm never taking it down.
@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
@Weird_Rash: Feeling pretty tough lately and thinking about joining a gang. Any of you guys need an accountant?