@MichaelTrying: The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn’t leave the oven on.
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@Barack_and_Joe: When your homie hyped you up to talk to a girl and you look back one last time before risking it all.
@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story
@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you're continuing to tweet.
@Fred_Delicious: [sees some cut grass] "Nice" [sees some ripped leaves] "oh yea" [sees a twig with a 6 pack] "holy shit"