@MichaelTrying: The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn’t leave the oven on.
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@Troman88: I hope that when the zombies finally do come, they're all dyslexic and they only go after Brians.
@NYC_Blonde: Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I got pizza sauce on my mouse. I need a new one. IT DEPARTMENT: You should just be able to wipe it off. ME: Too late, I ate it.