@MichaelTrying: The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn’t leave the oven on.
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@marinarachael: My friend sent me a picture of her baby and I don't have a baby so I just sent her back a picture of a steak I cooked once.
@Midgetspar: If you try to rip somebody's head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don't succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward.
@SteveSuckington: For some reason, the Disney movie "101 Dalmatians" was much more popular than it's sequel "Picking up Dog Shit for Eternity."
@Reverend_Scott: Prince: Rapunzel, let down your hair. Rapunzel: Hair, you'll never be beautiful, you'll always have split ends. *hair is super let down*