@JustASmirk: The best part of being lactose intolerant is the cure for constipation is cheese.
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@Vodkantots: If I were really famous, I wouldn't even need body guards. These maxi pads promise me 10 hours of protection, each.
@JoParkerBear: How To Avoid Dating ●You're too young for me. ●I'm too young for you. ●I don't date men my age. ●Okay, but after I finish my antibiotics.
@notalogin: Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation.