@Blondiethegood: The best part of being married with kids is.....is.....umm.....Yeah.
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@kwirkyKerri: That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Enough with the false promises. If you turn on your left signal, you turn left. I don't care if it was a mistake. You're turning left now.
@Twtercide: 911: What is your emergency? Me: Fire 911: Riley, is that you? Me:.... 911: Listen carefully, that firefighter asked to be transferred.
@juliothesquare: One of the little birds that used to dress me in the morning just asked for a reference letter and it's like mm don't fully remember you tho