@edgarrants: The best part of being old for the holidays? Nobody bats an eye when you 'randomly fall asleep' in the middle of a conversation.
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@Jennifergr8: Women dressed head to toe in animal print just bumped into me, thought I was being attacked my an obese leopard.
@ThaJawn: Pro Tip Jehovah's Witnesses will do anything to talk to you, including your dishes and laundry Try it
@NotUrGumar: Whenever I feel like I'm a weirdo, I remember they put little panties on peaches in Japan & I don't feel so bad
@maisonwithapen: *shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe* yoga instructor: you need to leave me: oh is this not child's pose?