@_davidlucas_: The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@juliussharpe: You know it's not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you've ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.
@IGotsSmarts: My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
@HallpassCanada: My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too.
@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.