@_davidlucas_: The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.
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@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists
@InnocentMarina6: You know why most americans love minions so much? Because they resemble Twinkies..
@NicestHippo: [my first day working on The Avengers set] *leans over to Joss Whedon* I hear this Josh Sweden guy is a real dork