@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.
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@Okeating: My husband complained that I never do a Sunday roast so I've spent the last hour writing jokes about his bald spot, his skinny legs and the fact that he can't grow a beard.
@Rollmaninoz: Me: Will my girlfriend be ok using Chanel 5 if she's never used Chanel 1-4 Salesgirl: *into walkie talkie* security he's back here again
@HeroineAddict: *scrolls ur TL* *finds ur tweet from 2 yrs ago.* *eerily similar to mine from day before* "She stole my tweet AND built a time machine?!"