@Mr_Kapowski: The best part of Pitbull is he yells out "MR WORLDWIDE!," at the beginning of each of his songs, giving you ample time to change the station
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@jwoodham: Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
@juliussharpe: Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding".
@AmishPornStar1: I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave.
@matt___nelson: CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA