@jordan_stratton: The best part of Robocop is when they spent billions of dollars making a cyborg super soldier instead of helping Detroit not be awful.
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@GoldenSpirals: Coworker sneezed, and said "Oh my. I don't know where that came from." I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose.
@kumailn: "Give your email a good password. Letters, symbols, numbers." "What about my atm card which holds all my money?" "Any 4 numbers in a row."
@Darlainky: I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I've no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I'll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
@ComedicBust: [hiding in a pantry during a robbery] Wife: [terrified and crying] Me: [eating fat free Cheez-Its] I seriously can't taste the difference.