@LuvPug: The best part of the Titanic is when Rose is holding onto Jack and she's all like, 'I'll never let go' and then she lets go.
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@BoomBoomBetty: [falling asleep, my hand dangles over the side of the bed] [a pale ghostly hand emerges from under the bed, slides its cold dead fingers between mine] Me, squeezing back: Awww.
@Michael1979: Most annoying times to be attacked by bees 3. Seconds after selling your beekeeper's suit 2. A day before you're due to set a record for the longest anyone's gone without being stung by a bee 1. During a battle to the death with your arch-nemesis who's wearing a beekeeper's suit
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say "OK I'll let you know"
@AnkCoupleTO: I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!