@TheMichaelRock: The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.
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@MindyFurano: Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.
@Rlpihl: u guys like coachella? u know who else was in a desert with people who didn't shower? Moses. hi i'm your new youth pastor Keith
@BackrowSeats: This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep.
@juliussharpe: The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.