@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.
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@davidkenny100: Pal: "on your date, ask her about herself. Oh! And girls love a guy into animals" Me: "how much do you weigh? about as much as baby cow?"
@Rollmaninoz: Interviewer: where do ya see yourself in 5yrs Me: going through a Denny’s trash bin I: but you might get this job M: haha that’s… irrelevant
@LnL245: I'm in awe of people who can pronounce camaraderie correctly the first, second or tenth time.
@StellaRtwot: Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you're doing it.