@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.
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@JPHaddadio: Don't spend money on body modification. If you wait long enough, your body modifies itself for free.
@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.
@NoogsCorner: Cop: Have you been drinking sir? Me: Medium Double Quarter Pounder meal please. Cop: Step out of the vehicle. Me: Sprite.