@SkinnieTalls: The best thing about coming from a big family is being able to talk louder than normal people.
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@BareChesty: Sorry I'm late, there was an octopus throwing pies at me so I was literally... Occupied
@SteveSuckington: Do these jeans make me look fat? And don't cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio's girlfriend
@thedad: [god inventing cupcakes] God: they’re basically cakes but way smaller Angel: ah I see, portion contr- God: and then you just eat like 90 of em
@Michael_Erhart: [First date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Date: "I'm a librarian." Me: "Oh, my bad." *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*