@BarebakAssassin: The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their "worst regret" when you break up.
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@Thrill_Tweeter: Twitter - to help future generations discover if there's ever been any mental illness in the family.
@QwertyJones3: [Starbucks] "Yes, I'd like a venti skinny soy half-sweet one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please." Barista: Is Pepsi ok?
@prozdkp: Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain
@Halbeerz: After what happened to Lance Armstrong I'm kinda worried they are gonna come after my bowling trophies