@matt_simpson84: The best thing about Facebook is learning about all the 19-year-olds that miss the 80s.
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@SteveSuckington: Teacher: did you cheat on your math test? Me: [remembering having sex with a history exam] umm no way
@Midgetspar: It's too bad u can't safely fill babies with helium. How cute would that be to look up and see hundreds of floating, chubby, happy, babies.
@hansmollman: Biden: How do I throw everyone off the White House Netflix account? I'll be damned if Trump is gonna mess up my suggested list