@Dawn_M_: The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
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@KeetPotato: [ordering cake over phone] "and what would you like the cake to say?" [covers phone to ask wife] "do we want a talking cake?"
@JamieDMJ: Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling.
@TheToddWilliams: GOOD COP: Three robberies in the same neighborhood ...do you know what I'm thinking? PSYCHIC COP: Yes GOOD COP: Oh right