@Contwixt: The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
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@murrman5: [reeling in big fish and turns to friend] you got the net? "yes" ok, google how to get this thing in the boat
@Shock_Monster: After seeing some of the names on kids these days, you wonder if their parents were going all in for the Triple Word Score.
@Brampersandon_: GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually
@juicymorsel: My teen thought it'd be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!