@TheCatWhisprer: The best thing about the first day at a new job is nobody knows I only have one outfit.
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@Super_Cynthia: I sleep with my clothes on and one eye open. Not because I'm scared, but my zipper is broken and I've had too much botox on one side.
@Gooooats: *calls wife into the bedroom* *dims the lights* *turns on Marvin Gaye* *sexily sweeps toddler's collection of trucks off the bed*
@chuuew: BOSS:You were supposed to get an inconspicuous heist car! ME:No one'll suspect the google car B:It's literally documenting everything we do