@LoveNLunchmeat: Yesterday my daughter asked how babies are made, and I gave such a terrible explanation she now thinks babies come from eggs.

@SeanInCypress: I don't claim to know what happens inside the dishwasher, but I'm guessing that it's like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

@BoozyMusic: My new dentist asked me if I gag easily. "No, I'm a professional," probably wasn't the answer he expected.

@Willie1derful: The Lion King really created trust issues between me and the nephew.

@RudeComedian: Me: Mom...Dad. I've decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside