@TheBoydP: The best thing about working at my office is that you can literally use as much toilet paper as you want in the restroom.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze it's like a little party on your face.
@koalaslament: I need a new job. One where I'm always running out the door with my arms flailing and holding a jar screaming "I GOTTA GET THIS TO THE LAB!"
@MarfSalvador: [swimming pool] me: do you have family changing facilities? clerk: yes we do me: ok what can I get for 2 sons and a wife