@TheBoydP: The best thing about working at my office is that you can literally use as much toilet paper as you want in the restroom.
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@dragonsorbet: [Confession] "I killed a man" "Wait what" "Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"
@oxygenplug: if you ever wanna impress a girl just bring a baby on your date and then basically just outperform the baby at everything it's really easy
@DeanB15: Lindsay Lohan said she's voting for Mitt b/c "employment is really important right now" Like it's Obama's fault no one wants to hire her.
@Cheeseboy22: Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse.