@simoncholland: The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year.
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@SwedishCanary: I've spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the Pokémon GO app so it may just be that I need my new meds adjusted.
@Kyle_Lippert: A young Bruce Wayne falls into a cave full of pugs. He later becomes Pugman and keeps the streets of Gotham clean and downright adorable.
@chimneyspotter: DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*