@simoncholland: The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year.
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@ParrtyCat: I'm not getting in a self-driving car until we can figure out how to prevent automatic toilets from flushing while you're still using 'em
@SortaBad: Just finished my book about how to get laid at bars. It's called The Girl With the Lower-Back Tattoo.
@TheBoydP: The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake...
@lizzzzzielogan: CINDERELLA: my parents r dead FAIRYGODMOTHER: CINDERELLA: im being abused FAIRYGODMOTHER: CINDERELLA: i need a new outfit FAIRYGODMOTHER: hi