@Spotzwoj: The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
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@_SingleBabyMama: A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: I'm in the mood for dessert *winks at wife* [2 hours later] Wife: *in lingerie, texts* WHERE R U Me: *texts* Getting ice cream. Y?
@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.
@Brianhopecomedy: Bumped into my Ex again. I should really move her to a different part of the freezer.