@jwoodham: The best vacation? Close your eyes and throw a dart at a map. Where did it land? Doesn't matter. Just keep your eyes closed and go to sleep.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hazelmotes1: Superman: I'm my own worst enemy. Lex Luthor: oh. That's nice. I'm literally standing right here.
@JustDontBugMe: [Getting married] Hey, thanks for doing this with me... I wasn't sure how to operate the microwave.
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: "I can't turn on the shower" Plumber: "It's seen you naked so often the excitement's gone. Try dressing up" *Hands over shower cap*
@Amburglar_: Ugh don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd