@jwoodham: The best vacation? Close your eyes and throw a dart at a map. Where did it land? Doesn't matter. Just keep your eyes closed and go to sleep.
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@TheBoydP: “Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable…” ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out
@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.
@TheCatWhisprer: Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.
@Scdavis24: My mom always says "Alcohol is your enemy!" Jesus says, "Thou shalt love thy enemy."