@jwoodham: The best vacation? Close your eyes and throw a dart at a map. Where did it land? Doesn't matter. Just keep your eyes closed and go to sleep.
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@bromanconsul: a car just rolled by blasting the "Duck Tales" theme song so now I'm chasing after it and trying to catch up with my new best friend
@AndrewChamings: CAR SALESMAN: Check out the reclining seats. ME: Oh this baby is gonna get some action *winks* [Cut to me asleep in car on my lunch break]
@purch_s: Buy an aquarium. Don't buy fish. Tell guests there are fish. Enjoy time spent not having to talk to guests while they look for fish.
@MikeDrucker: My mom still hasn’t used the roomba I bought her two years ago for Christmas because, quote, “I don’t want it to judge our house.”