@omgthatspunny: The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
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@ericsshadow: [guy who just got out of prison on a technicality] "what were you in for?" murder, a guy... a guy... "spit it out man" a guy, interrupted me
@DillDoes: "How's your sexual history?" Well doc, if i had to summarize it in one word it would be "deletable"
@BrainFumbles: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ...
@Derrick_Snyder: Twitter: What do our users want? Users: An edit button and relief from spam/abuse. Twitter: Novella-length Tweets it is!