@lazerdoov: The best way to get over a cold is to get a younger hotter cold
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@Book_Krazy: I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now
@artsofdrawing: *During math test* My answer: 28. Answer choices: 17, 19, 26, 45. Me: "well 26 is closer to 28, so that must be the answer."
@LosLos__: *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* Wife: STOP TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!
@WienerToboggan: "honey, I can't wait to do missionary later!" *Gets excited* *Wife leaves for third world country-helps many*