@lazerdoov: The best way to get over a cold is to get a younger hotter cold
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@Underchilde: “I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but...” —People who are found buried in the woods
@ericsshadow: One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place.
@DadandBuried: My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.
@RapeyRaperton: People that still call into radio stations are probably doing it from house phones.