@lazerdoov: The best way to get over a cold is to get a younger hotter cold
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@onion_an: 1st date: I love the spiderman movies Me: So do I [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: I used to be a spider
@MattMcElaney: 10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.