@beisswrandon: The best way to get your kid to play with 800 toys at once is to tell then you're going to donate them to charity.
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@Eye_Of_Madara: I told her love was all about sacrifice, but she still screamed when she saw the dead goat.
@TravLeBlanc: My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights.
@JKNenagh: Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me:If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too? #slapped