@beisswrandon: The best way to get your kid to play with 800 toys at once is to tell then you're going to donate them to charity.
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@wankcity: "more like president PAJAMA" *obama jumps into pj's, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*
@moiragallaga: First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!
@psybermonkey: Friend: you can come to the party if you promise not to do that weird thing where you talk about salad dressing Me: fine [Later] Me: hey would you guys rather own a ranch or a thousand islands