@Cheeseboy22: The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.
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@AmishPornStar1: Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth.
@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone
@Reverend_Scott: [sees friend at the store] "Hi" Hey "Where's your better half?" The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question.