@DonQuickoats: The best way to respond to a limp handshake is to tickle their palm with your middle finger
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@Dani_Feld: Dear millionaires, If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong.
@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's a hardware problem.
@MelvinofYork: Shrink: How many true friends do you believe you have? Me: Define “true friend.” Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.
@SonoLibero_8: Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.