@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
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@McSwtrvst: *genie appears* I wish I was rich! GRANTED! YOU USED TO BE RICH ok!—wait what? FOR YOUR SECOND WISH, CONSIDER HAVING PAID ATTENTION IN CLASS
@abhorrent_wife: Hi, I'm Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as "No, YOUR face is stupid" and "I didn't trip you, you fell".