@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
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@SirEviscerate: [Coca-Cola focus group 1892] *everyone screams, throwing chairs through the window, trying to kill God* CHEMIST: maybe slightly less cocaine
@rolldiggity: Prince: "The slipper fits! You're the girl I met!" Girl: "I wasn't even at the ball. This is a common shoe size." Prince: "YOU'RE THE GIRL!"
@MikeDrucker: Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.
@AndrewNadeau0: VILLAIN: *Stroking cat* I've been expec- BOND: OMG your kitty is so cute! Can I pet him?! V:*Whining* Tiiim, you said this was intimidating!