@LOUD_Thoughts_: The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30%of their ice cream.
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@erikbransteen: The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that
@midnightwhale: "OPEN THE DOOR IT'S THE POLICE" who is it? "POLICE" what is a police *cops start whispering* "how does he not know what a police is"
@Playing_Dad: Boss: We're having a meeting at noon for future managers Me: Will there be lunch? Boss: No Me: I don't want to be a manager that bad
@markydoodoo: Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.