@badAzz_mom: Sorry to the guy in the car having to witness me checking for boogers in his tinted windows.

@Bearslietoo: A good sign that you're not ready for children is if you cut your food with a credit card.

@1Happytwit: Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.

@UnfilteredMama: Friend w/o kids: I'm planning a meditation retreat next month. Me: One of my kids has been shaking a metal tin full of coins FOR AN HOUR.

@ValeeGrrl: Husband: *hacks up lung* I think I'm comin down with something Me: lol ok whatever Kid: *tiny cough* Me: OMG MY POOR BABY COME TO MOMMA