@Kayditty: The Bible Belt - the land where you pretend not to recognize each other in the liquor store.
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@thenatewolf: *I come downstairs to see my dog has eaten my dinner off the counter* Dude, I said I was sorry for eating yours.
@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.
@midnightwhale: [police station] "sir you get one phone call." [calls 911] "hello 911 what's your emergency?" yeah a bunch of pricks are holding me hostage.